You’re moving along on the relationship game board,
fairly well into the game, when all of a sudden you’re thrown back to square
one: the relationship is over. Regardless of who is to blame, it’s done.
The dust has settled, all of the “You left this at
my house” items have been returned (or trashed depending on how the breakup
went) and you are left sitting alone.
Knowing how to move forward in your life and how to
navigate the minefield of starting a new relationship isn’t always obvious,
especially when you’re mid-breakup.
If you’re in a wonderful relationship that is going
to last forever, keep these tips for your poor friends who will most likely
need it at some point. Plus, then you’ll have it in case you ever need it. Not
that you will. But, in case.
1. Let it go. Not just the catchy tune from an
animated movie, these three little words can save you a world of hurt. Let go
of the relationship and free yourself from its clutches.
If you were the “breakee”, don’t go and beg the
“breaker” to take you back. Rarely does this work, and if it did, the resulting
second breakup is just worse somehow. Accept the reality and start to heal.
2. Make peace. It is ok to have a tidal wave of
emotions, and you will have them for a while. That’s ok! Give yourself
permission to use all of your feelings – just don’t give yourself permission to
act on them. Getting angry at the “breaker”? No problem. Smashing all the
windows in breaker’s car? Not a good idea.
3. Do something. Now is a great time to try
something new. Always wanted to learn how to line dance? Take a class. Go on a
weekend cruise with a couple of friends. Hike through the mountains.
4. Career boost. Pour yourself into your work. Offer
to take on an extra project, or take a class or certification course that will
help you advance in your workplace. Success at work will make you feel better
about yourself, and will help your career advance.
5. Get chatty. It’s not a good idea to discuss every
detail of your sordid breakup story with everyone. (Plus, the cashier at the
grocery didn’t want that much information when she asked “How are you today?”).
Call up a trusted friend or schedule a counselling
session with a trained professional to talk about your feelings and pain.
Airing your emotions will help you recover from the breakup faster.
6. Stay single. Often, the idea of being alone makes
the breakup feel even worse, so women will rush into a new relationship to help
ease the pain. Take some time to do a little soul-searching, and to evaluate
what you are looking for in a relationship before jumping back into the dating
world.
7. Say no. Drowning your sorrows can seem like a
very good idea when the pain of a breakup is still raw. Using drugs or alcohol
as a way to forget your breakup or to dull the pain of losing your relationship
seems like a good idea at the time.
The long term consequences aren’t worth the few
hours of forgetting. Hangovers, addiction and embarrassing behavior can all be
the results of binge drinking. (Bitter, drunken woman doing karaoke is never
good. Remember this.)
Square one is never a fun place to be, but
eventually you’ll be ready to start the game again – just make sure you’re
ready first.
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